


I Never

by GretchenSinister



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012), Torchwood
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 15:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20509598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "Doctor Who and spin-offs crossover.Because, well, duh. Jack was going to happen sooner or later."Who doesn’t like some crack in the wee hours of the morning? Jack is late to a Guardian meeting and has to explain why. Oh, and that’s page 2 of Round 1 of the kinkmeme filled!





	I Never

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on 5/7/2013.

“Jack!” Tooth flies over to him as he enters the Guardians’ meeting room at North’s Workshop. “Are you okay? You’re over an hour late.” 

“I—” he looks at her, and then at the concerned faces of North, Bunny, and Sandy. He begins to blush beet red. “I don’t have a good explanation. But I think I’m okay?” 

“Then give bad explanation,” North says. “No Guardian business this month anyway. We were just going to visit with each other for a while, you know. And now that you are here, we do not have to worry.” 

“No—I mean, I _can’t_. I can’t explain anything.” 

“C’mon, Jack,” Bunny says. “Anything you really couldn’t tell us about would be Guardian business.”

“We can leave him alone if he wants us too,” Tooth replies. “Anyway, maybe we could play a game instead? Sandy’s been trying to explain something called ‘I Never’, but I’m not sure if we’re understanding it right because I’m pretty sure he would lose if we played.”

Jack looks at him questioningly; Sandy merely shrugs and sips at his eggnog.

“Okay, okay.” Jack settles into a chair. “I’ll try to give my bad explanation. But—please—don’t judge me. I mean, it was almost as much of a surprise to me as I think it’ll be to you! And, um, Guardian of Fun and all…maybe that’s when it went wrong, when I told him that…”

“Go on,” says Bunny, eyeing Jack suspiciously.

“Well, I mean, there’s not much I _can _tell, you know…all right. So today I was over in Wales, and I notice that there’s someone on the ground looking up at me, which is not so unusual now, except that this person was an adult. I thought he might be a spirit I didn’t know, so I flew down to meet him. He wasn’t a spirit, but he wasn’t a normal human either. I never got a clear explanation of what he was or why he could see me, though I did ask…the conversation kind of got away form that…and then it stopped being a conversation…” Jack is blushing again. “Look, everyone, just fill in the blanks because whatever you guess probably happened…and that’s why I was late. I told you it was a bad explanation.” 

When he looks up at the others, to his surprise, none of them seem shocked.

“Harkness.” Bunny rolls his eyes. “Not worth the rabbit puns, but I’ll give him a bonus for his sense of adventure.”

“Wait.” Jack’s voice rises in pitch. “Bunny? You, uh, _know_ him?”

“He caught me at a bad time—mid-Spring. And that is to say, I knew him, but I don’t know him.” 

“I met this man too, once,” North chimes in. “In my youth. He is time traveler, I think. It must be a lonely occupation.”

Jack’s blush is gone, replaced by an expression of stunned disbelief. “This is the weirdest coincidence I have ever heard of. Tooth? Sandy? This is weird, right?”

“Weird, what’s weird to us?” Tooth says, giggling a little. “I’m a woman covered in feathers. And…Harkness actually knew how to deal with that.”

“You’re kidding. I’m almost afraid to ask. Uh, Sandy?”

The little man just nods matter-of-factly.

“Okay for some reason that seems the least strange…at least as long as you don’t tell me you had a threesome with him and Pitch.”

Sandy pretends to zip his lips shut.

Jack rests his head on the table. “I think I need to pretend that was an ambiguous answer, for my own sanity. And not ask any more questions. I…just can’t believe I ran into the universe’s bicycle today.”

Tooth pats his shoulder comfortingly. “Don’t worry Jack. You did what anyone would have done. Now! Should we play I Never?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments from Tumblr:
> 
> sylphidine reblogged this from gretchensinister and added:  
A happier life for Captain Jack Harkness than the one I wrote for him in His Days Like Crazy Paving.


End file.
